Suicide Awareness: Tobi’s 5th Anniversary & Why Mental Health Matters

February 15th, 2020. The day started with an inexplicable heaviness in my heart. It was my grandpa’s 5th anniversary, a day of remembrance. But something felt off, something I couldn’t quite grasp. I had been carrying an unsettling feeling for weeks, knowing that my brother, Tobi, was struggling. He had been shutting me out, and I wasn’t sure how to reach him.

The day before, I had left him a cake and a long letter at his apartment, hoping he’d read it and reach out when he was ready. So that morning, I debated whether to visit my grandpa’s grave and go see if Tobi opens up his door for me or take some time in nature. I chose a hike, thinking I should give him space.

I remember standing at a traffic light, the sun warming my face. At that moment, an unexpected sense of ease washed over me — an unexplainable relief, as if everything would be okay. It was around 11 AM. I held onto that feeling.

By evening, I canceled my dinner plans with friends and stayed home, watching Eat, Pray, Love with a glass of wine, needing space to myself. Then, at 7 PM, I got a strange message from my mom: Are you home? Minutes later, Tobi’s best friend asked if he could stop by. I didn’t think much of it — I assumed he was worried about Tobi too, and we could figure out how to help him together.

The doorbell rang. I opened it. And my world shattered.

I can still hear the sound of my body dropping to the floor. I don’t remember the exact words spoken, only the look on his face. And I knew. Tobi was gone. He had ended his life. No one even had to tell me — I just knew.

One of my first thoughts was, This can’t be my story now. But it was. And it still is.

Why We Need to Talk About Suicide

The more time passes, the stronger the urge to share this story — not for sympathy, but because I know this isn’t just my story. It’s our story. It’s the story of families, siblings, and friends who have lost loved ones to suicide.

We lose a seemingly healthy life to suicide every 40 seconds, yet we still don’t talk about it enough. There is a stigma, a deep-rooted fear that discussing suicide openly might encourage more people to take their own lives. But I believe the opposite is true: silence is what keeps these numbers high.

Ending one’s life is not a rare, isolated tragedy — it’s one of the leading cause of death among young people, especially men. It doesn’t discriminate by social class, financial status, or how many friends someone has. When your mind turns against you, you are in danger. And if we continue to pretend that suicide is something that happens somewhere else, to someone else, we will never break this cycle.

Suicide Prevention Starts with Understanding

Suicide doesn’t just affect the person who leaves — it sends shockwaves through families, friendships, and entire communities. As someone who has lost a sibling, I now understand how crucial it is to create spaces where mental health struggles can be discussed without shame.

If I had known then what I know now, would Tobi still be here? I don’t know. But I do know this:

• We need to recognize that mental pain is just as real as physical pain.

• Suicide is not a selfish act. It’s the final symptom of a mind in unbearable distress.

• Prevention is not just about intervention in a crisis. It starts long before that — with creating open conversations about emotions and struggles.

I have spent the last five years on my own healing journey, diving deep into energy work, somatic healing, and trauma processing. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: we all carry wounds that need space to be felt and expressed.

Let’s Break the Silence Together

If you’re struggling, please know — you are not alone. And if you know someone who is struggling, don’t wait. Check in on them, even when they say they’re fine. Ask again. Sit with them in their pain.

To anyone reading this: your story is not over yet. Keep going. There is help, there is hope, and there are people who care — more than you may realize.

Resources & Support

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or crisis helpline in your country. Talking saves lives.

Let’s start the conversation. Let’s end the stigma.